I’m going to preface this for any readers that, as I often enjoy using this blog as a diary of sorts, I will now continue to do so in letters to myself entitled “Letters from Exchange” (I suppose that title will have to change when I’m no longer on exchange, but I can’t be bothered to think of a more encompassing one yet). This isn’t the beginning of my exchange or anything, it’s just called “The First One” because, well, again with the lack of effort for titles.
I’m doing alright these days. Traveling was of course amazing, though a bit of a struggle at times. I’ve learned that traveling with your friends is never easy, no matter how well you know each other, and you just have to start recognizing that them being an asshole is probably due to sleep deprivation more than anything. I might try traveling alone next, I might like that a bit more.
I didn’t mind the whole asshole friends bit, it was more that I’m a tad too introverted to spend an entire month traveling with people like that. It’s good to now be able to relax and only have school a few days out of the week (even if I did skip one of my classes twice this week, and I really should be doing readings right about now..).
My room’s still a mess from having Caitlin over, and I feel like my head is a bit, too. I was watching a lot of Carrie Fletcher’s videos today (if you couldn’t tell by my diction which is leaning slightly more English than usual), and in one of her videos she talks about how she’s spent most of her life using the phrase “easier said than done” to get out of doing anything that would take more effort than she could be bothered to muster, and I feel the same way. I have so many hopes and dreams and goals, I always have been a dreamer and a planner, but then I’m so content to scrape by at the bottom. Does graduating mean anything if I don’t really apply myself and learn as much as I can?
I have always been a firm believer that the things that are worth doing will always be difficult, because otherwise they wouldn’t be worth it. You wouldn’t learn anything from it, you wouldn’t feel like you achieved anything. Of course I feel more motivated to write again suddenly, I think because I decided to take a step back from the actual writing part and go back to learning more about my characters. I don’t know nearly enough yet. And of course with the new semester I feel motivated to do well in school, although I have absolutely no motivation to do my readings.
I want to explore the world in my head through writing and plan out quality youtube videos. I want to read my book about learning to talk like a TED presenter to enhance the quality of my videos. I want to start working out again and work towards a healthier lifestyle. I want to do just about everything except read for school, yet I want to be an intellectual. I suppose when it comes to nothing worth doing being easy, this is a prime example. I firmly believe in the benefits of higher education, it’d be awfully hypocritical of myself to not get anything but a fuzzy overview of history from my four years spent getting one.
I hate the ice outside. I don’t think that helps for the motivation bit. My room is a horrendous mess and outside it’s a dark, cold, slippery death trap. Oh Norway. You’re lovely, but you might be the death of me. Or at least you’re no good for my anxiety and motivation issues with weather like this. Then again, I did come for once-in-a-lifetime experiences, and you are giving them to me.
I’ve spent a lot of my life wanting to be famous, or at least well known and well liked. I used to practice interviews of myself in front of mirrors, as if anyone cared what I had to say. I suppose that’s why this blog and youtube have resonated with me so much. But now I’m learning about quality and content, and how no one should care about what I have to say if I work hard enough to produce high quality content, on any medium. I’m excited to learn about myself and the mediums I use and how I can improve. I want anyone involved in this journey to find it just as worth it as I do, because it shouldn’t be about being “famous”, it should be about learning and growing as a person.
That said, I think it’s about time to wrap this up and get to editing today’s vlog. If you’re a reader of this blog, I hope this wasn’t too boring/self-centered for you, and thank you for making it this far. If you’re me, reading this in the future, stop procrastinating and get back to work.
-Amanda Moore, future hard worker