Letters From Exchange: The One Where I’m Starting to Stress

Pretty soon I’m going to have to title these something else, because my exchange is certainly coming to a close. 

To just jump in and address the title, I am starting to stress out quite a bit. It’s my own fault, really. Well, it’s a combination of having a lot going on and procrastinating proactive work on it. So, yeah, it’s my fault.

I’m at that point where I have just over a week to pack up my entire room, prepare for three weeks of traveling, and say my goodbyes. In addition to that, I have a term paper that will have to be written between Monday and Thursday, and a sit in final exam on Thursday morning and I am not at all prepared for. I am also trying to film a few videos before I leave so that I can keep uploading consistently while I’m gone. 

I’m mostly concerned about that final exam, even though it really doesn’t affect me too negatively if I fail. I’m so ahead on credits that it may be hard to only take degree-required classes next term and still have the minimum three classes per term, so I can afford to fail one class. I’ve never failed a class before though, never in my life, and I don’t want that to change before I graduate. I’ve come very, very close to failing before, but I’ve never crossed that line, and it’s not something I want on my academic record.

So I need to study a whole course in the next few days well enough that I can focus on the essay for my other class the couple of days before the final exam and still not fail the exam. I’m trying, but I also have to spend time with my friends, because they want to see me before I leave, and now I’m just worried that I’ll feel like I’m wasting my time.

I’m also stressed about the time of the final. It’s at 9am and in just less than a week, and currently I can’t even get myself to sleep before 5am (last night it was almost at 6am), let alone be awake by 7:30am, which is what I would need to do on Thursday. So I’m frustrated, and I’m worried, and I know that it’s not the end of the world and it’s all just part of growing up and learning how to handle responsibility and blahblahblah. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make it any easier.

Still, I should talk about the good, because there is a lot of good. For the first time in my life, aside from this final, I’m not really worried about what’s going to happen, I’m just excited. I’m excited for my upcoming trips to Poland and around Norway, I’m excited to go to VidCon in July, to be back in Vancouver in September and living with my best friend, to graduate, and to find out what comes next. I really know what I want to do with my life and I just need to apply myself (and yes, hard work is, well, hard, and not my forte) and so many amazing things will come out of it. I’m so excited to see exactly what those things will be. 

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