Letters From Inside: The One Where I’m Feeling 22

Yes, I am embracing the Taylor Swift jokes. Honestly, I like “22,” I think it’s going to be my anthem for the next year of my life.

Today is the second day of my life as a 22 year-old, and it started with sleeping in until 11:30 because I was super exhausted on my first day of being a 22 year-old and still managed to stay up until 3am. Starting off the new era right, I see.

I don’t entirely know how I’m supposed to feel. January is the start of a new year, but so is my birthday. Do I make resolutions now, too? If I have any, it’s just that 22 will be the best year of my life thus far. Always strive for improvement, right?

Like the start of 2016, I feel a pressure with turning 22, but not the same kind I felt at 21. Turning 21 freaked me out a bit because I was officially a twenty-something, no longer grouped in with the teenagers as most 20 year-olds are. 23 might freak me out because I will be in my mid-twenties, another thing I don’t want to think about. In that respect, 22 seems fairly harmless.

2016 is going to be a big year for me, a year when everything in my life changes, and since my birthday is so soon after the new year, being 22 is a part of that. 22 is the age I am going to be when all of these changes happen. And now I’m 22.

I have a pretty good idea of what it is I want to do after I graduate in May, and I mean I really want to do it, but first I have to go through a whole process that will take months to determine if anyone wants to hire me for this opportunity, and that’s terrifying. I’ve been thinking about it for years and really wanting it for months, and now it’s here. Last night, in the last hour of my birthday, I pulled on any remaining birthday luck and sent in my application to this program. It’s just a start of a huge process, but it’s started.

I am terrified of failure and rejection of something I want so badly, but I am so incredibly excited for taking the next steps in my life if it happens. If it doesn’t happen, well then I’ll regroup and I’ll figure out where to go from there, but right now I don’t have enough room in my heart for more than one dream.

So, I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22. And it’s pretty good. I have goals and a path I’m headed down and work to do. Speaking of which, best to get back to the homework.

I hope you’re all doing well. x.

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