Letters From Inside: 23 Years

Today I am 23 years old.
8 year-old Amanda, are you proud?
23 years…(see “23” by MikeWillMadeIt ft. Miley, Wiz, and Juicy J)
At 23 years I am finally healthy, or at least closer to healthy than I’ve ever been. I’m a teacher, I live in South Korea. I’ve lived in four different countries now, on three different continents. I’ve seen a lot of Europe.
I have a B.A. in History from UBC. I want to be an author.
I have anxiety. I’m slightly prone to seasonal depression.
I have more financial debt than I know how to handle, and it’s hard to see the end of it.
I’m introverted, I don’t like going out much, and I don’t see my friends as much as I’d like to.
I’m scared of failure, and that’s what holds me back 99% of the time.
I don’t know how to date, or flirt, or like people, or heaven forbid show someone that I like them.
I feel more like an adult than I ever have before, yet I’m constantly realizing how young I really am.
I still want a lot for myself, I don’t think that will ever change.
I don’t feel like I’ve done much of anything yet, like I’ve accomplished anything, but I know I’ve done things you dreamed of.
You wanted to go to a famous university. I (sort of) did that.
You wanted to travel the world. I did that.
You wanted to live abroad. I did that.
You wanted to be famous…okay I’m working on some things still.
Life is a work in progress.
I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned in my 23 years of life is that the point of living is growing.
Intellectually, emotionally, professionally growing, constantly.
Without growth, all you have is stagnation, and that isn’t living, that’s just existing.
And when I look at life that way, it’s okay that I haven’t accomplished all of my goals, because it gives me more room for growth.
And when I do accomplish them, I’ll get new goals.
I’ll always be a work in progress.
And I love that.
So, at 23 years I am wise to the fact that I’ll never be wise.
I’m scared and frustrated and self-conscious and shy and impatient,
But that’s okay.
I’m happy being who I am, and I’m happy knowing I’ll change, and grow.
I have some really amazing friends that honestly inspire me every day.
I have a mind that is constantly evolving in an attempt to better understand the world and the people in it.
I am proud of who I am.
So, even if I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything yet, if this is 23 years of growth, I can only look forward to what 23 more will look like.

 

…man my ego is huge.

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